No money, more worries

Today is just one of those days where I want to curl up away from everything or I will cry.

It isn’t exactly an abnormal day… There are the usual conflicts to solve, and the picky eaters… It has more to do with the lack of food in the house, and not having the funds to go get more. Technically I do have a teeny tiny bit, but it is earmarked for gas and that is rather important as I really would like the hubby to come home from the airport tonight.

I hate money. I hate the dependence on it and how much power it holds. I hate that it can make me feel like crying and yet so elated when there is extra. People say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy groceries which is enough to make me happy any day!!

I say to hubby “Perhaps I should go get a part time job. At least it would be extra income”. Hubby says I work hard enough during the day, but it never feels like I am doing enough. Perhaps I have gotten too used to holding 3 jobs and 2 is too quiet?

But I really want my free time! I quit the Weekend job because I missed the time with my family and really needed the downtime for my own sanity. I want to work on my home business, not someone else’s….

But it is that minimum wage job that guarantees a paycheque is coming…

Wait a sec. Did I just write that I want my free time so I can work? Umm… Yup. I guess so. Something to think about.

Needing a rock for the rock

I think I just GOT why community is so important. Why friendship is needed. Why giving to strangers is necessary. I don’t mean I thought a community had little value – of course it does! It is a necessary part of our social lives. I just GOT why in a different perspective.

When your child is struggling in school or hurt, what do you do? You call on the expertise of the village. But first you are your child’s ROCK. You are strong, supportive, always there, never changing. You are SAFE. But who supports the rock? The community does, right? This is what I now get. I can only be a rock for so long though, before the ground gives way to the extra weight from above. This rock needs a firmer base! If I have many little rocks I can draw strength on… then maybe I can be strong enough to endure the hardship of those I support.

Little rock 1: is the friend. A dear friend or sister, the one you know you can call in tears and they will be there to help.

Little rock 2: is the system. Mini communities of strangers already inviting you to contact them. They arm you with bullets of information to shoot your fears.

Little rock 3: is the Neighbourhood. Sometimes great neighbours notice you need a hand. They mow your lawn or watch your kids in a pinch.

Little rock 4: is the Random Act of Kindness (ROAK). When life is good these things are so nice to hear/experience. A ROAK makes your day sing. But when the rock is giving way to the pressure from above (much like your muscle does with that second last rep at the gym), a ROAK is a miracle! A gift like none before! In fact, ALL these little rocks make a miracle!

I need to go be a rock for awhile now. I need to be strong for those that are being strong for another. Just like gravity, the weight will be dispersed to all the rocks below. Just like a pyramid, I can do it if I have rocks below me too. I hope my rocks don’t mind.

Those pyramids are pretty amazing come to think of it…